blah...

okay, i'm going to pretend for about 10 minutes that none of you are reading this. in other words: i'm going to vent about shit, and if you don't want to hear about it, don't read it! ...how's that for an opening line? i have, most likely, just caught everyone's attention and convinced them all to read this entry all the way through. oh well.
i'm sad. last night, i was reminded that i am not perfect. my work isn't perfect, my relationships aren't perfect, my looks aren't perfect, my life isn't perfect! ...no shit? actually, it's a big deal. i want everything to be perfect, and i'm not usually happy unless they are. perfectionism is my goal in everything--everything! i don't like change very much, and i don't like failing. i don't even like mistakes. i guess nobody really does, but i feel different. i have to be a perfectionist in everything...and, i shouldn't be. my best should be perfection to me. haha. not being the best pisses me off. a lot. i (or so i am told) will even take the blame for things that are totally not my fault just to avoid bumps in my relationships. i don't want anything to be wrong with them! ever. um, anyway, that's not what this blog was supposed to be about. i started this thing with the intend of complaining about my mood for the past few days. okay, let's set this straight: girls get pms. it sucks. it makes them sad/bitchy sometimes. not all of the time; girls who blame pms on their moods all of the time are lying. most months, i have 1 day about a week before my period when i cry. and, i usually cry a lot that day...it happens; i'm used to it. this month, it seems that that day has lasted 3. i haven't had any more of a reason this week to cry than i do any other week...but i've cried every day since wednesday! why?! i don't know. i've been depressed, and it's making me sad...hmm???...lol
all i really want right now is eric. but, i can't. i saw him every single weekend last semester, except for the last one...and then he came here thursday. now it's the second weekend, and i can't see him. sigh. it's not my fault; it's not his fault. i'm not mad...just sad. all i want is for him to be here with me right now. but, he's not. and, it's supposed to snow a lot tomorrow. sigh. monday, january 24th (in 2 days!) is predicted the most depressing day of the year...maybe i'll get normal again after that. i hope! gee...now aren't you glad that you actually bothered to read all of that??? haha. prolly wasn't particularly worth your time, but you can't say i didn't warn you. besides, this is my damn blog, and i can post anything in it that i want!!!!! you don't have to read a thing....
i miss you, eric...xoxoxo!!!!!!!!!!!